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Let me start by saying I adore my mom, better known to everyone in my circle and not just my family as “Mimi.”  Mimi is by far the strongest woman I know; she is my children’s second mother, is always there when anyone needs her,  and willing to drop anything when anyone asks for help,  it’s just her nature.

Her most endearing quality is also what makes her so unique…Her bizarre and eclectic views on life and willingness to share them.  Here is some of the ridiculous shit she says, making us laugh while endearing us to her even more!

” Don’t you dare watch that in my house, it will bring evil with it.”

This by far is my favorite, first learning this valuable lesson in my childhood years. My sister and I wanted desperately to watch “The Exorcist.” Only come to find out if we did the evil spirits would come to invade our house thru the television.

“If you stick your arm out of the car a truck will come by and rip it off.”

This truly terrifying gem goes back two generations. Recently when my cousin came to visit we both discovered our mothers told us this scary “factoid” during our childhood.  When all of us were laughing hysterically, my mother simply said, “what?… My mom taught me that.”  Let me explain something that makes this even more ludicrous, My grandmother and mother both worked in the healthcare field for years, was this a common occurrence? I doubt it.

“Toothpicks are dangerous if you fall you will impale yourself”

I could see how toothpicks could possibly be dangerous if a toddler was playing with them, but we were just “educated” about the danger of toothpicks the other day when my 14-year-old daughter was chewing on one. Again, this goes back to her nursing years.  Was she witness to many toothpick injuries at the hospital?

“Don’t go outside at night, there are feral packs of dogs roaming the neighborhood.” 

Let me preface this one by saying, yes there are probably parts of the country that deal with feral dogs, but my mom lives in suburbia.  When we asked her about the vicious feral dogs she simply said, “I heard them.”   Could this merely be the neighbor’s dogs barking?  We’ll never know.

“I am Indian (native American) because I believe in what they do.”

My daughter came in the house after her Mimi gave her and some friends a ride and told us about my mother’s newly discovered ancestry.  One of my mother’s hobbies is genealogy, and I’m 100 percent sure she has never found Indian blood in our family tree.  Plus, I’m pretty sure that’s not how genetics works.  I prefer top-shelf liquor, does that make me a Rockefeller?  Probably not.

Do we turn into our mothers? I hope so because wherever Mimi goes she puts a smile on peoples’ faces.  Will I eventually tout all of this nonsense?  I’m crossing my fingers because I want to be as eccentric and unique as she is.  She makes no apologies and owns her shit.  I can only hope to emulate her one day.  It may be sooner than later,  I recently caught myself shrieking in horror “no that’s bad juju” when they found an Ouija board and wanted to play with it,  Can you imagine the evil that may have befallen them? 😉

The Ridiculous Sh_t My Mom Says!

 

 

 

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