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Let me start by saying I adore my mom, better known to everyone in my circle and not just my family as “Mimi.”  Mimi is by far the strongest woman I know; she is my children’s second mother, is always there when anyone needs her,  and willing to drop anything when anyone asks for help,  it’s just her nature.

Her most endearing quality is also what makes her so unique…Her bizarre and eclectic views on life and willingness to share them at the worst possible times.   Here are just some of the ridiculous shit she says, making us laugh while endearing us to her even more!

” Don’t you dare watch that in my house, it will bring evil with it.”

This by far is my favorite, first learning this valuable lesson in my childhood years. My sister and I wanted desperately to watch “The Exorcist.” Only come to find out if we did the evil spirits would come to invade our house thru the television.

“If you stick your arm out of the car a truck will come by and rip it off.”

This truly terrifying gem goes back two generations. Recently when my cousin came to visit we both discovered our mothers told us this scary “factoid” during our childhood.  When all of us were laughing hysterically, my mother simply said, “what?… My mom taught me that.”  Let me explain something that makes this even more ludicrous, My grandmother and mother both worked in the healthcare field for years, was this a common occurrence? I doubt it.

“Toothpicks are dangerous if you fall you will impale yourself”

I could see how toothpicks could possibly be dangerous if a toddler was playing with them, but we were just “educated” about the danger of toothpicks the other day when my 14-year-old daughter was chewing on one. Again, this goes back to her nursing years.  Was she witness to many toothpick injuries at the hospital?

“Don’t go outside at night, there are feral packs of dogs roaming the neighborhood.” 

Let me preface this one by saying, yes there are probably parts of the country that deal with feral dogs, but my mom lives in suburbia.  When we asked her about the vicious feral dogs she simply said, “I heard them.”   Could this merely be the neighbor’s dogs barking?  We’ll never know.

“I am Indian (native American) because I believe in what they do.”

My daughter came in the house after her Mimi gave her and some friends a ride and told us about my mother’s newly discovered ancestry.  One of my mother’s hobbies is genealogy, and I’m 100 percent sure she has never found Indian blood in our family tree.  Plus, I’m pretty sure that’s not how genetics works.  I prefer top-shelf liquor, does that make me a Rockefeller?  Probably not.

Do we turn into our mothers? I hope so because wherever Mimi goes she puts a smile on peoples’ faces.  Will I eventually tout all of this nonsense?  I’m crossing my fingers because I want to be as eccentric and unique as she is.  She makes no apologies and owns her shit.  I can only hope to emulate her one day.  It may be sooner than later,  I recently caught myself shrieking in horror “no that’s bad juju” when they found an Ouija board and wanted to play with it,  Can you imagine the evil that may have befallen them? 😉

The Ridiculous Sh_t My Mom Says!

 

 

 

#MondayMood-Pool Safety, Daily Deals & More!

When I woke up this morning I had every intention to do a National Lipstick Post, but as I was typing Bode & Morgan Miller’s pool safety story was airing in the background and lipstick no longer felt relevant.  If you haven’t heard the tragic story catch up HERE..#MondayMood-Pool Safety

Two things stood out in the interview;

  • Never once had pool safety been discussed in a pediatricians visit
  • It only takes 30 seconds for a 3 year old to drown.

30 seconds to drown? That is the time it takes to answer the phone? Drowning happens so quickly in small children because they don’t know to hold their breath.  They are frightened so they scream in turn filling their lungs with water immediately.

The Numbers

WASHINGTON – From Memorial Day through Labor Day 2017*, at least 163 children younger than age 15 fatally drowned in swimming pools or spas, according to media reports compiled by the USA Swimming Foundation, a Pool Safely campaign partner. Of the 163 reports, 112 of the victims — nearly 70 percent — were children younger than age five.

vs

So far, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 30 children across the country have died from the flu during a season that began in October, typically peaks in February or March and sputters out by May. By comparison, last year, 101 children died from the flu.

If Pool drownings are responsible for more child deaths than the flu why do we are we not educated more about pool safety?  Why does the  flu shot campaign begin at the beginning of the school year with my children having the option of receiving the shot at school.  Yet, they have never had a pool/water safety class offered at their school?  Why have I never been asked If I had a pool, or was aware of pool safety, alarms, CPR  at the pediatrician?  This is non-sensical to me.

Here are Pool Safety Video I found from Poolsafety.gov and a video displaying different alarms! 

 

I’ve also rounded up a few pool alarms recommended from the above safety sites for you.

 

 

 

How to Survive a Custody Battle

Most likely when you enter into a custody battle you have one thing on your mind…winning,  as did I when I went thru my divorce.  But winning isn’t everything. A custody battle is one of the most stressful live events you can endure, similar to that of a death of a loved one.  At times during my custody battle I wasn’t sure I could survive the stress. I eventually agreed to joint custody of my children because of the stress it was putting on my kids.  I made some mistakes along the way and I often see other parents unknowingly doing the same.

Understand while you read this I am in no way advocating one way or another joint or primary custody.  Especially in cases with abuse or extenuating circumstances. You do what is right for you and your situation.  Most importantly do what is right for your children who will live with this arrangement and the fallout from this divorce/battle for years.  If done sensibly and with the best interests of the children you can survive a custody battle with your spirit and your kids intact and successfully co-parent. I am here to give you a few tips to get you thru a custody battle as peacefully as possible.Surviving a Custody Battle~Tips to get you thru a Custody Battle

  •  Be humble- Realize your child’s love towards the other parent is priority over your disdain for that person. Don’t ever disparage the other parent in front of the children.  It will only distance the child from you in the long run.  In some states legally this is called Parental Alienation and can be used in obtaining custody.  It also will cause irrevocable psychological damage to the child. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
  • Do not engage- If a soon to be ex-spouse is in the “redzone” (fighting, intolerable, engaging is unhealthy behavior) document it and hand it over to the attorney.  Do not participate in this behavior it only incites it.
  • Be your best self- Rally for your children.  This is when they need you the most.  You are feeling beat up right now and emotionally low so if that means taking more time for yourself or practicing self-care to be a better parent, do it. Do whatever it takes to give your kids the extra support.
  • Step Away from Social Media- I recently had to  watch couple friends of mine go thru a custody battle in which they both posted daily tirades about each others lack of parenting skills with colorful vocabulary.  The entire time wondering if they we’re not aware that once it’s out there IT’S OUT THERE FOREVER.  Their 9 year old will eventually  see all of that slander.  Don’t do it, just don’t. This behavior will backfire and you will regret it.
  • Ignore Outside Influence- You will receive good advice and bad advice.  You will have bitter friends that have an ax to grind for some reason and will try to influence you, step away from toxicity.  You want people around you that encourage you to be strong, be your best self and be happy. Also realize you will lose some friends.  Some friends go with you, some with the other spouse.  It’s just the way it is, whomever is supposed to be in your life is in your life.
  • Keep clear communication- During the separation it is always wise to document everything especially If you and your ex-spouse are in the “redzone” meaning you cannot communicate without fighting.  Find another way to communicate.  Whether that be texting, email or thru your attorney.  But keep it clear, concise and free of emotion. Always keep the kids aware of where they are going to be ahead of time, kids need consistency.  I created a calendar for myself, grandparents, ex and kids.  Every month I sent one out for everyone that was involved.  The calendar helped immensely and kept confusion and stress to a minimum.
  • Do not play the “Tin Can Phone Game”- Never use the children to communicate with the other partner.  It stresses out the kids, burdens them and exposes them to things they just don’t need to be a part of, especially finances.
  • Be effective productive loving Co-parents- Your children are learning by example. Do not undermine each other “just because.”  If a child is in distress or acting out present a united front, don’t disagree for the sake of disagreeing.   Realize the child’s best interest in the situation.  This is especially important at school functions, activities etc.  It always saddened me when my ex and I were in the redzone and our families would sit apart at their programs.  I would see their little faces bob from family to family, and after the programs the kids would have to “work the room” it seemed like. While saying all of their goodbyes.

Of course no two custody battles are the same.  These are  tips to help with avoiding as much conflict as possible. I went thru a horribly messy divorce and custody battle. While made good decisions and bad, I learned some things along the way.  I hope these few things help other people going thru the same battle.

 

 

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