F*ck Off Valentine's Day - Simply Complicated Mom

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F*ck Off Valentine’s Day

“Bitter much?” is what I assume you are thinking with the title of this post. But the truth is, I have had some doozies, as well as stellar Valentine’s days. Yet every year I anticipate Valentine’s Day with dread, high expectations, and mommy anxiety, so as far as I’m concerned Valentine’s Day can Fuck Off!

Still, as the naked baby with a weapon is peaking his head around the corner, I can’t help but wonder how a seemingly innocent day evolved from sending classmates paper Valentine’s into my kids coming home toting massive amounts of vegan chocolate and “Martha-ish” valentines?

Naked baby with a weapon a.k.a Cupid

The “DL” on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day dates back to the ancient Roman calendar to a mid-February day called “Lupercalia.” A day that celebrated fertility and where names were tossed into a jar and people randomly selected names from that jar and well, went off to “celebrate fertility” by feasting on a goat, running around in their undies, and well you know …

Valentines Day
Lupercalia Festival, no need for explanation!

Fast forward to 500AD, the Holiday took the form of a Roman Catholic feast day celebrating two martyred Roman Priests, named… yes you guessed it … “Valentine.’ Only to later be removed from the liturgical calendar, Oy vey!

Another legend tells the tale of another priest (irony) one guess as to what his name was … Yes, a fourth St. Valentine. But this tale was not so gloom and doom. This St. Valentine performed weddings for Roman Soldiers who were not allowed to marry as per the emperor’s law at the time. The “law-breaking” priest wore a ring with a cupid on it, symbolizing love. This allowed the soldiers to recognize him. He also passed out little paper hearts, hence the beginning of the tradition to remind Christians of the love in their hearts for Christ.

St. Valentine

So Valentine’s day started at Lupercalia, jumped to martyred priests, evolved to soldiers getting married in secret, to finally a holiday filled with really high expectations of chocolate and declarations of love. That to me is a really big jump, but what I do know?

Well, I know that I will make Valentine’s for my little’s class, buy overpriced novelty gifts for my older kids (that will end up in the trash) give the hubs a mushy-gushy card, and if you haven’t guessed yet, I’m missing that chromosome, which will be reciprocated with anticipation of sex and a cheesy card.

Although Valentine’s Day is still my most loathed holiday I will rally for masses. I will smile as I compete with the moms on the block to produce ridiculously crafted Valentines, buying Valentine’s gifts (yes even the 24-year-old) and possibly shave my legs that night.

XoXXOOxoxoxoxXXo 🥰Mari

I would love to know how you feel about Valentine’s Day! Let me know in comments!

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